The Lesbian and the 8 Coming Out Surprises

So, I came out relatively late in life, I was 26 so firmly in the mid-twenties bracket – not late. Mid. And there was a period of adjustment when I questioned everything about how I’d presented myself up until that point. Here’s a few of the highlights:

  1. My Walk

My walk was wrong. I didn’t walk like a lesbian so how on earth would anyone know that I was. I didn’t have that swagger that those beautiful androgynous lesbians had. You know what I’m talking about, it’s very cool, almost like a boy but still sexy. I didn’t have that, I was stuck with my straight girl walk and I’d be alone for ever because no one was going to find me attractive. Obviously.

  1. My style

Style and I, have always had an on off relationship. I knew how I wanted to look, but it just never quite came together. And I tried a lot of looks, some not good. Remember when Avril Lavigne rocked a tie over a tank top? Well only Avril Lavigne should have rocked a tie over a tank top but that’s another story.

But that aside, now that I was out I believed that I had to give a more visual que of my new status. I no longer felt comfortable wearing sexy dresses and heels when I went out, I needed to give off a more relaxed vibe that made me approachable, and not get labelled a fag-hag in the gay club.

Guess what?!  You can wear whatever the hell you want. The payoff to being brave enough to expose yourself is you can be exactly who you want to be. So dress however the hell you want. Own it guys.

  1. My Gaydar

This is me….


4. Flirting

I spent a solid ten years of my post puberty life flirting with males. I’m a pro. If flirting with men was an Olympic sport, I’d have taken the gold. I can lead the conversation, I can follow, I can be whatever they need me to be, and I can make them do what I want.

Put me in front of a girl I fancy and I’m practically a mute. I guess if I was to analyse it, it’s obvious. I never really wanted a man, it was a game that I didn’t really want to finish.

I’m working on my flirting though, but it’s a process, (see point 3)

  1. Coming out again

And again. And again. And again

You have to constantly tell people because even in 2017, people assume you are straight, and then they reply:

“But you don’t look gay” “But you’re too pretty to be gay” “Do you think it’s a phase?”

*eye roll so hard I’ve lost them*

You think coming out it like a viral message to the world that you are here and you’re queer, and everyone gets the memo. But it’s not. Unless you are an all singing, all dancing, stereotypical “fits into what society believes to be” gay, then you may get comfortable saying those two little words, because they’ll be like a broken record coming from your mouth.

  1. PDA

I shocked myself with this one, I was extremely comfortable with PDA’s. I just did not give one fuck about holding a girl’s hand in public, or giving a cheeky kiss. It was so liberating.

I remember my first date with a girl, like a proper date not a drunken fumble in da club. She had been out for a long time, and was very comfortable with her sexuality, and I was a nervous wreck. But as we left the restaurant it was me that took her hand and I think it surprised us both.

I am fortunate enough to live in a country were being gay is okay, some people may not love it but I don’t have to live in fear, so for all those over the world who are hiding, and sacred and literally fear in for their lives because they were born gay, I’m going to hold a girl’s hand in public, in protest. Because if they could, they would.

  1. Gay culture

I love drags. The Drag community over the world have become my idols. They are full of life, and creativity and they are battling through their demons with laughter and

Drag queens are some of the bravest people in the world, they put themselves out there every time they glue down those man brows and don a stocking. They are a living message to live life to the fullest, in technicolour and to laugh. Laugh for days.

And boy, can they contour.

And I love being part of the whole LGBT+ community, it gives me this great sense of privilege that I was born in a time where I can be who I want to be, when I know there are people who fought for me to have this right. People who literally died for being brave, and thanks to them I can be who I am, in peace.

What surprised you about coming out?

Be Brave, A x


One thought on “The Lesbian and the 8 Coming Out Surprises”

  1. I came out in my 30s. Oh, boy did I question my steps all along the way after coming out! Sometimes I still do! Your journey sounds very similar to mine. Thanks for sharing!!

    Liked by 1 person

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